Our Secrets Made
by VixenRaign
Summary: Prequel to These Secrets Kept Starts In early August after the end of the series, and tells of how The Chosen Two first became close at The Academy and how the whole 'mess' started. Chapter three finished 02.03.06
1. Forbidden Happiness

Disclaimers: Joss, UPN, WB, FX, and FOX own Buffy: the Vampire Slayer and Angel: the Series along with Mutant Enemy and a few other people I'm sure to forget. I also don't own Michelle Branch (Maverick records) or t.A.T.u. (Universal records), or their songs. I'm just using them because they fit so well and I love them.  
  
Rating: 'R', eventually Spoilers: BtVS, the entire series, and AtS through season 4 (We all know about the spoilers for AtS season 5, and let's just pretend that isn't happening, okay?). Pairings: Faith /Wood, Faith /Buffy, and eventually mention of that whole Buffy/Spike *disaster*(!) . . . . But this is mostly about Buffy and Faith and their feelings towards one another, so BE WARNED: THE IS A SHIP FOR THE U.S.S. FUFFY!  
  
Feedback: YES! I LIVE FOR IT! Send E-Mails to Satanslilangl@yahoo.com or VixenRaign@yahoo.com  
  
AUTHOR"S NOTE: Okay, I know this is kinda twisted, and that it's totally off the handle, but I can explain: THIS WAS ORIGIONALLY A DREAM. I dreamed it the first Tuesday when there was no BUFFY to watch (May 27 2003), and this part of the story I thought up while I was bussing the three hours drive from Florence to Rome. It's the Prequel to 'These Secrets Kept'. I hope you all like it as much as you liked the last one. Also, be gentle with the whole love-scene thing . . . it's still new to me. ~Vix  
  
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= = = (* Forbidden Happiness *) = = =  
  
Faith walked up to the roof of The Academy and placed the key into the lock. Only the original Scoobies had keys to this door, which often caused problems with the other teachers. The brunette *needed* a break! She'd finished a morning Slayer Meditation Class before lunch, and she'd had to call off her Weapons' Class for this afternoon. She just didn't have the energy for it, and it was only Monday afternoon. But this was her reason for going to the roof in the first place; Relaxation . . . and, of course, the good company. Opening the door and walking into the Magical Garden that Willow had created, Faith took in the beautiful View.  
  
Buffy was laying down with her arms tossed over her eyes, knees bent slightly for comfort and thinking. She didn't even hear the roof's lock click.  
  
"Happy thoughts?" Faith's voice called from what must have been a mere few feet away. Buffy smiled and sighed.  
  
"Quite shallow, actually." Her tone was pleasant and light, as though she didn't have a care in the world . . . it was rare to hear her in such form.  
  
"Well, that doesn't explain the Vegetation . . ." Faith drawled, point to the plants around the blonde. Opening her eyes to see what the brunette was talking about cause Buffy to gasp. Willow's garden really was magical. She'd cast a spell on it so that positive thought would make it grow faster. The small lemon shrub they'd planted last week was now about three feet tall. Not only that but the grass had grown to be about seven inches in height. As the blonde ran her hands through the soft green blades, she shook her head slightly. Only Willow, she thought.  
  
"Just enjoying normalcy for once." Came Buffy's giggled reply. Faith nodded and plopped herself down in the now thick grass. Pulling up a hand- full she let it blow away in the wind. This had become a tradition for them; afternoons on the roof. The two remaining Chosen Ones had their early evenings free, while the others had classes to teach or places to be.  
  
"What's there to enjoy?" she asked, only half joking, "I've had little to no action for almost three years, minus my last visit to the 'Dale . . . & this hellmouth *sucks* compared to SunnyD." It was a comment that made Buffy's eye fall to the ground again. Which wasn't growing as quickly as it had been a few seconds ago. Faith nodded slowly, looking away and watching the slowly reddening sky darken at the pace of molasses.  
  
"Sorry, didn't mean to poop the party . . ." Buffy chuckled sadly and pulled up her own tuft of grass to release into the wind.  
  
"That's alright." Buffy said slowly, eye focused on the now long-gone blades of grass, "It happened. No good in forgetting it." Faith chuckled again as she watched the blonde run her hands through the grass again.  
  
"Are you sure it was shallow thought you were having? This place is starting to look more like a Jungle than a Tar-Beach." Buffy smiled slightly and nodded. " . . . Or Maybe," Faith said playfully, " 'Ole Red's got a thing for you? You know; she thinks 'Fondly' of you, and her garden grows wildly for her favorite Slayer . . . ?" Faith said suggestively. The older woman simply laughed and shook her head.  
  
"I don't think so," the Slayer said slowly, "She's too caught up in her break-up with Kennedy to Hex her garden like that - even if she was." Buffy added quickly. Faith, ever playful and desperate to keep the mood light, looked skeptical.  
  
"You do know that Willow didn't just suddenly wake up one morning and was suddenly attracted to girls, right?" Buffy nodded with a smile, borderline smirk. "And you being her only real female friend for all of high-school . . . no to mention the fact that she had a record for falling for her Best- Buds . . ." Faith extended the last word out, receiving a long pointed look from Buffy in return (which was stern).  
  
"Really Faith, She doesn't see me like that." She said with a ere of finality. Faith nodded, smiling.  
  
"Uh-Huh, 'cause you didn't freak out when she told you about Tara, right?" Buffy looked at her suddenly, face unreadable. Faith waved it off as if it was nothing and replied off-handedly. "Dawn told me back in LA. Tara told her, and Willow told Tara shortly after it happened . . . she was worried. You were her best-friend, the *first* person she told, and you Freaked . . . didn't you wonder why she never told Xander, or Giles, or anyone else?" Faith asked quickly. The blonde looked away, sadness and more than a smudge of guilt covering her face. The brunette Slayer had always thought that Buffy's sad face was her most beautiful, but that was before she'd truly seen her smile. Though she thought it gave the older woman a certain degree of mature elegance, she much rather hear her laugh.  
  
"I had wondered . . . though I had always hopped that wasn't why." At this rate the garden would be dead in a matter of minutes, Faith thought, better get back to the Happies.  
  
"But you gotta admit," Faith said slyly, "You got a weird view of Love." Buffy chuckled sadly, and looked to Faith knowingly. "You didn't mind Willow dating a Musician that probably said about 1000 words to her in the entirety of their relationship, but when it's a girl is doesn't matter how much they have in common. Both witches, both shy, both smart, college loving girls . . . you must like people in couples to be *very* different, don't you?" Buffy looked at her slightly confused, but still smiling slightly.  
  
"You know," Faith said, nudging her slightly, "Xander always making jokes to cover-up how he really feels, then Cordy and Anya (Both of whom are no longer with us) would say anything and everything about whatever they were thinking or feeling. Giles and Jenny; One very Old-World with his books and Rules, one young with her Magic and Computers. Not to mention you and Angel . . . too many differences to number!" Both girls laughed, and Buffy looked at Faith with a large smile on her face . . . but it didn't reach the sadness in her eyes.  
  
"Oh Faith," she said, laughter calming, "Always talking about stuff you only *think* you understand . . ." Faith just stared right back at her, a look of hurt and confusion on her beautiful face. She knew she'd struck a nerve and now she'd have to deal with the after-blow. The blonde's tone wasn't malicious like it was the last time she said it to the brunette, but rather disappointed; which seemed to make it hurt even more. "I'll admit there are times when opposites attract, but similarities are nice too." Buffy looked off into the distance, focusing on some point that Faith couldn't see.  
  
"What do you mean?" Faith asked slowly, her curiosity overpowering her need to make the blonde smile again for the time being. The blonde blinked and looked down at her feet, bare on the grass.  
  
"Well, I've never seen Willow as happy as she was with Tara . . . they were just so iridescent every time one of them entered a room. I don't think I've ever had that. Where the very sight of someone made a smile come to my face that I just couldn't seem to wipe away. Even with Angel there was always that fear that he was only there to bring the news that there was some great evil of her found the dead-body of one of my friends."  
  
"But you loved him, I thought?" Faith asked quickly.  
  
"I did." The older girl replied quietly, "But it was *so* hard. And the fact that our work was so closely related to our being together . . . it made things very difficult. With Willow and Tara . . . they always seemed to rise above it. Being Scoobies wasn't their life, just what they wanted to be a part of it. I've always wanted to know what that's like." Faith stomach suddenly sank; here was Sunnydale's greatest champion, and she sounded *so* defeated.  
  
"Well, you can do it now." Faith said almost defensively, "You're Slayer And Chief, you have Mini-Slayer-Minions to do all that time consuming foot- work for you. All you have to do now is teach, and lead, and point the way. It's incredible how much these girls look up to you." Faith said happily.  
  
"Yup," Buffy said, almost spacily, "That's all I have to do . . ."  
  
"Well? Why aren't you going out and getting snuggly with some hot-little- Honey? Find some lucky bastard, and squeeze him for all he's worth." Buffy's face fell slightly as she turned sadly towards the brunette.  
  
"Don't you think he'd notice that if as doing all this Teaching, and leading, and pointing? I wish I could find someone that already *knew* . . ."  
  
"Xander's Free," Faith joked, "I doubt he'd turn you down!" Buffy chuckled, and Faith joined her. Looking out at the deep orange sky, Buffy sighed.  
  
"I did freak." She said suddenly, as though all the things said in-between hadn't happened. "But not because of why you'd think." Faith turned towards her, wanting to hear her defense. The blonde smiled slightly, though her tone was sad, and began to explain.  
  
"It was like you'd said," Buffy said, glancing at Faith before her eyes turned back to the horizon, "Willow, I'm sure, didn't just wake up one day attracted to girls . . . she's felt slightly attracted to girls her whole life, she just figured that was normal. But when she met Tara; there was no slightly. *Boom*, attracted. When Tara didn't seem to mind and ever began reciprocating those emotions, Willow realized that there was no getting around her feelings. People don't go to bed straight and wake up the next day with the perfect realization that they're attracted to people of the same sex . . ." Buffy sighed and closed her eyes slowly. As she drew in her next breath, Faith was surprised to hear it was shaky and unsure.  
  
"I know because Willow told me . . . and because the same thing had happened to me." Faith's heart seemed to have stopped beating and was now trying to escape through her throat. She was glad that Buffy still had her eyes closed, because she doubted that the blonde would have taken her shocked expression well. "I was called to Slayerdom at barely 15 . . . I hardly ever liked guy then, but I had the same fluffy-bunny-feelings for girls . . . and that scared me."  
  
"It was shortly after my calling to be The Slayer that I realized some of my feelings where not considered straight by the strictest of standards. People on the cheer-leading team commented on my . . . wondering eyes . . . and that was as great a motivation to leave the team as my Slaying Duty was. When people saw me out of school they avoided me, when I burned down the gym they blamed in on my Raging-Bull-Dyke-Tendencies." Buffy sighed deeply, "When I had to move to Sunnydale I decided that being a Slayer was dividing enough; I didn't need my sexuality pushing me even further from the crowds."  
  
"Wow, B . . ." Faith whispered slowly, not knowing what to say. She and Buffy had gotten to be as close as two people could be, and yet there were still times like this which would make Faith appreciate how far they'd come. She'd never been as close to any one as she'd been with Buffy, even before she'd gone to work for the Mayor, and the fact that the blonde trusted her enough to tell her these things, things she'd never even told Willow even, made Faith realize how much they both had grown. 'Nothing like an apocalypse to bring two people together.' Faith thought ruefully.  
  
"Hey, Ancient History," Buffy said lightly, trying to play it off as nothing, "People are only people, and they have their fears . . . mine was separation. When I first arrived in Sunnydale I was determined to keep my eyes locked firmly onto those of the Male persuasion. And, lucky me, a nice Male hotty caught my attention that first night. Only later, after I had finalized my plans to peruse him and regain my heterosexuality, I had learned he was a Vampire. He was the only guy I had really liked since I'd moved there, and I couldn't go out and find some dope to be my beard. Xander would have taken it as a personal affront if I had reduced him to that, *or* if I'd found anyone else. So, as you can see, I was pretty stuck. Plus; Angel was down-right Sexy." Buffy just shrugged and kept her eyes on the setting sun.  
  
"When he left for LA, and I had to start college, I figured that it'd be safe for me to start experimenting with my sexuality. But the fact that Willow, and Xander, and Giles, not to mention my whole life was still right there with me made me very nervous. And so I decided to go with one more guy. But, he turned out to be a one-night-stand. So, to make me feel better, Willow set me up with a boy I couldn't stand. She did it out of the goodness of her heart, so I figured I'd just wait it out until he dumped me . . ." Buffy chuckled slightly, "I had *NO* idea that would last as long as it did. I was just so afraid of being alone, and he was there, but I didn't love him . . .and he knew it."  
  
"He couldn't handle that I was so strong and dominant, that he wasn't the leader or 'The Pants' in our relationship. He wanted some one that would cry on his shoulder or run to him every time they scrapped their knee. I'd never cry in front of him, and I wasn't one to run away and find someone to fight my battles for me. He just couldn't stand not being needed by someone he loved so much." Buffy glanced at Faith who looked pensive and then down at the now slightly wilted grass. Bowing her head she slowly continued.  
  
"When Willow told me about Tara, I freaked. I lost it . . . and not in a good way. I was angry, and I was upset. And I blamed her for the years of sadness and forced secrecy I'd placed upon myself. I avoided her and Tara for so long because they had what I wanted. They were together and happy, and they weren't afraid. They had placed a bet and took what chances they could face with intolerance. I hated Willow for being only human, and being braver than I; A Slayer. And so, on top of all of that, I was jealous of her . . "  
  
"What about Spike?" Faith regretted it, the moment it the moment the sound left her mouth. Her tone had been almost interrogative, and she knew that Buffy hated talking about it.  
  
"Ah, Yes, Spike . . ." She sighed, but her tone wasn't sad and Buffy saw the surprise on the brunette's face. "Don't get me wrong, I wish he hadn't died, but I'm far from heart-broken . . ." The blonde's face had hardened slightly, but it was no longer sad.  
  
"You didn't love him?" Faith asked slowly, as though trying to figure out how one plus one could possibly equal two. Buffy simply stared back at her, a look of slight cheek to her face.  
  
"You're one to comment," She said smartly, "Like you ever loved Xander!" Faith chuckled, and Buffy joined her.  
  
"But still," Faith said slowly, "You've never been like me . . . and they way you two acted, I guess it just seemed like you were." Buffy looked down at her arms, and then took in a deep breath.  
  
"As a Slayer, you know that we don't injure easily." Faith nodded, and Buffy grimaced slightly. "You also know that when we cut our-selves, though we do bleed, we heal quickly and almost never scar . . ." Buffy pinched her eyes shut tight. "Except when you're speaking emotionally." Faith's eyes opened about as wide as they could go, watching Buffy run her fingers over the flesh of her fore-arms. "Fighting, Slaying, wasn't enough pain. The hurt it had caused before to make me forget the Psychological pain I'd experienced before my death wasn't satisfying enough after my resurrection. I needed more, and the cuts and scrapes and broken ribs just didn't mask all the pain anymore. I needed something stronger, a longer lasting ache and scar to sustain my daily appearances." Faith was speechless.  
  
"B, are you saying what I think you're saying . . . ?" the brunette ventured slowly. Opening her eyes, Buffy looked down at her hands and tightened them into fists.  
  
"The only scars that last forever are Emotional ones. You and I both know that Faith, and on a Slayer it they can be deadly . . . and that was exactly what I wanted. They kept me preoccupied during the day, and during the night they kept my dreams busy instead of reminding me of the pain of from where I'd been torn. And what better way then to throw my self at the one person I couldn't get rid of and I despised . . . yet was the only one that loved me." Her voice becoming raspy, as though trying not to become emotional. Faith was hanging on her every word; she'd never really seen this dark and hidden side of her older counter-part, and she wanted to.  
  
"I'd convinced myself that only a monster like that could love me, could want me, that it was all I deserved. And Spike supported that idea without any intervention on my part. He told me that all the time. That I belonged with him, there in the dark, hidden away in shadows and undeserved. I used him to do to me what my own hands could not. Leave marks, some visible, some not, and make me see what I really was when I'm alive; Worthless. A Devil's concubine, and worthless to all those for which I'd given my life and had ignored my happiness. And just like before; I was unhappy and alone. The way I'd always been and forced myself to continue to be. Wanted by those I didn't, and alone in a crowd."  
  
"Like *you've* never been so psychologically messed up that you became self- destructive?" Buffy asked dryly. Faith laughed at that, realizing that it had been stupid for her to even open her mouth to ask such a question. Believe it or not, she'd been so completely caught up in Buffy's retelling of Faith's time away that she'd completely forgotten all of that pain of her own.  
  
"Okay, good point. But why would you need all that. Or . . . has all this 'distraction' been going on for longer than you're telling me?" Faith said it gently, but Buffy looked at her as though it was a poorly delivered joke.  
  
"Faith, you know as well as I do that Slayers have always used The Hunt as a form of distraction. I did it during my parent's divorce, when my Mom started dating again, even when Angel and I were having problems. When it's in that form it's healthy and normal, I even asked Giles about it a couple of times . . . but what I was doing with Spike wasn't. As I started to become a little more . . . 'Sane' I started realizing that. I also realized that Spike really had thought he loved me, and that what I was doing to him wasn't right either. What he did in an effort to try and get me back . . that was calculated." She said sadly, and Faith had the sudden urge to resurrect the poor fool that'd attempted to force himself upon the blonde.  
  
"He knew what he was doing?" Faith asked coldly, her voice venomous. Buffy didn't even seem to notice, just kept looking out to the now almost red sky. Both Slayers could feel their bodies prepare for the night; their time.  
  
"Or course he did." Buffy said gently, "He knew that I used him to hurt me. He knew that would scar me irreversibly and leave a stain that couldn't be removed . . . he knew what he was doing, he even told me that later; once he'd gotten his soul." Buffy laughed coldly then, blinking a few times.  
  
"That, however was an accident. He'd not wanted a soul. He'd gone there to get the chip out of his head so he could kill me and I'd be gone from his life forever . . . he'd only worded his request wrong when he'd been asked what he wanted. He asked to give him what he wanted so I could get what I deserved. I needed something with a soul, a champion. That's what I got, and it was right. It was what I needed, but not what I really wanted in order to be happy." Buffy spoke of his death minimal sadness as though remembering a bad year-book photo. It was almost unnerving. What really shocked Faith was that it sounded like, and it was probably true, that Buffy was happier with Spike gone than she would have been with his still around.  
  
"Buffy." Faith said solidly, waiting for those hazel eyes to turn to her. Slowly they did, and as they landed, faith saw that they were empty. The Slayer is never empty, faith thought, Especially not Buffy. She'd remembered all the times, fighting or not, She'd looking into the mighty Chosen One's eyes and seen so much Life. Weather it was happiness, sorrow or pain, they were always so expressive. She was tired of this shallow, shut-off look the orbs had held for so long. Over the time the two of them spent together she'd caught glimpses into the heart of the blonde, and she was determined to teach her that she had no need for that hardness anymore. "Come here." Faith almost whispered. At that Buffy's face changed to one of suspicion and un-ease.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked slowly, looking at the short distance between them. Faith raised a hand and waved slightly, indicating that she wanted the girl to come closer. Buffy made a move as if to get up and leave, so faith had no choice but to act quickly. Reaching out she grabbed the girl and pulled her into an awkward hug, tugging the older woman right into her lap.  
  
"Wha - What are you- Why, what are - what are you- " Buffy floundered, struggling to get out of the hug, but Faith just held her, not letting go. Buffy squirmed, but faith just held her still; slowly the blonde realized she wasn't going to let go any time soon and clamed. Faith pulled her slightly so that the smaller girl was sitting comfortable in her lap. Letting out a tired sigh, slightly spent from her long day and her fight for Faith-Hug-freedom, Buffy settled somewhat. As she laid her head down on Faith's shoulder, she felt Faith chuckled silently and gently stroke her back.  
  
"Better?" Faith asked, voice so quiet even Buffy had trouble hearing it.  
  
"Than what?" she asked, obviously confused. Faith just laughed, looking forwards towards the horizon that had fascinated Buffy all afternoon. Wrapping her arms around Faith's neck, Buffy too settled in to watch the sun set the rest of the way. Both felt awkward, though both because it didn't feel strange to be sitting here like this, in each-others arms. They'd expected, with all the bad air between them in the past and the fact that both weren't terribly physically affectionate with people they hadn't already been with intimately . . . well, it was just a shock. They hadn't even realized how long they'd been sitting there like than until their private silence had been interrupted.  
  
"Am I interrupting something?" they heard Willow call jokingly. Both turned to look at the source of the intrusion and almost bonked heads in the presses.  
  
"Willow," Buffy said quickly, a smile marring her face. "We were just talking about you . . ." Buffy said slyly, causing Faith to laughed loudly. As the confused redhead looked between the two laughing Slayers, she shook her head. The two Slayers had made a point to have their private afternoons, and she was starting to wonder what they had gotten up to this afternoon; the garden had grown by leaps and bounds. The lemon shrub was a REAL tree now, and there were even a few small baby lemons on it! the whole tar-beach looked like a grassland or meadow.  
  
"Uh, Buffy, you wanted to meet with me?" the redhead said gently. Faith felt the blonde stiffen in her lap, and suddenly get up before faith could stop her. dusting off her pants she nodded, and reached a hand out to help the brunet up as well.  
  
"By the way . . ." Willow said slowly, look almost accusing, "Did you two promise a few of the girls a little improv Slaying-Field-Trip? I was talking to one of the girls and she said that she and her friends were busy tonight because she heard about an 'un-posted' night-time activity . . ." The Witch was pissed, and they could tell. Cowering under Willow's Angry Resolve-Face they both looked down at their feet and glanced at one another trying to hide their smiles. Sighing exasperatedly, Willow put a hand over her face.  
  
"I am trying to run a school here, people . . ." she said, sounding tired, "Could you please not get my students killed without informing me first?" They both nodded, and smiled apologetically. Willow was the Dean of Students at the Slayer's academy they'd set up. For lack of a better title for it they'd decided to call it 'Academy di Academia'. Giles was the Dean Of Deans, or the resident head-master, and right now they were running 'Summer School' waiting for their first year in session to start. They offered real schooling, along with Slaying classes.  
  
Xander, for the Summer at least, ran the wood-shop and Metal-shop classes though her was hoping that after his Wolfram & Heart eye-surgery he could get back into construction. Most building companies don't want a foreman that can only see two dimensions. But he'd found a real joy in teaching and was hoping he could work out a schedule that allowed him to do it at least part time. He was also valuable to have around for when they needed repairs done; he was still quite skilled, and the old mansion they'd bought with the Counsel's Money was rather old and did need a bit of work done.  
  
Willow, on the other hand, was head of admissions and taught a large variety of classes. From Computer science to Polytheistic History she was always up to her nose in work to be done. Kennedy was at Cleveland State getting her Major in English while she taught classes around that as a TA. Due to the fact that Kennedy was not only a fellow teacher at the school and yet also a student, both girls had agreed that breaking up would be best. The only problem was Kennedy was taking it a lot better that Willow and the redhead was taking it to heart.  
  
"Oh, Buffy!" Willow said quickly, perking up for a second as she remembered her other reason for finding the Slayers, "Did you want to make that CD still?" Buffy nodded quickly and Faith groaned. Willow looked between them and watched the blonde frown. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Faith, don't give me that!" Buffy said quickly, sounding playfully annoyed. Faith just got up as well and brushed off her jeans as well. Turing to Willow, Buffy explained. "Faith and I agreed to exchange music CDs of our favorite music and although I listened to *HERS*, "Buffy said pointedly, "She doesn't want to listen to mine. She's worried she won't like it."  
  
"That's cause I listen to good music, and you probably listen to that touchy-feely-girly-music . . ." Faith said in her defense. Willow just laughed as the blonde turned around to look at her accusingly.  
  
"Good music?!" Buffy yelled, "I couldn't even understand half of it! The first half of it was in German or something, and the other was Kid Rock and rap- which you know I can't stand without wanting to break something!" She yelled, and to her further annoyment, just caused faith to laugh.  
  
"True; some of it was in German. That was Ramstine, but then there was some Russian in there two, "Looking past Buffy to look at Willow Faith continued quietly, "I Made her listen to t.A.T.u.," Willow nodded smiling and Faith turned back to a still angry Buffy, "Besides, I only put on the versions that also came in English . . . they were at the end of the CD; didn't you listen to them?" Buffy looked down at her feet and shuffled them slightly.  
  
"I thought you'd just recorded wrong and they were repeats . . . I kinda skipped over them. I'll go back and listen to them now that I know, though." She promised quickly, Faith just laughed and tossed a playful arm over the blonde's shoulder. They both chuckled, and Willow smiled at them  
  
"Well, if you two could do me the favor of telling the girls that there will be no 'Field-Trip' tonight, I'd be very appreciative." She said dryly, though there was humor underneath. "Besides, there's a storm coming in. I heard it both from the Coven and from the Weather Channel. It's gonna get messy out there tonight, so I'd recommend staying in." Both girls turned quickly back to the horizon they'd stared at for so long, and realized they both hadn't noticed the quickly approaching storm. Looking at each other, Faith nodded off the roof slightly, and Buffy nodded. Willow held in a laugh at how well these two could communicate silently, and waited for them to finish.  
  
"Mecca?" Faith asked quietly. Buffy nodded, and they both smiled. Mecca was the name of the Club where Faith worked and lived. She was a bartender and bouncer, and she had her studio-apartment above it. It was the perfect thing for her too; teacher of Slayers by day, Bouncer/mixer by night along with Slaying. Also, she got the job and apartment by saving the building owner's life one night while patrolling. Faith loved that apartment, and it had sound-proofed floors so the noise didn't bother her at all. Not to mention that the only other woman who lived on the floor got along with Buffy really well so it gave her an excuse to have the blonde over a lot.  
  
"Uh, Buffy?" Willow said gently, once again regaining the blonde's attention, "You and I had plans to go over?" Willow said slowly, voice quiet. Faith was about to ask what about, but then realized it was probably school politics that she didn't want to get mixed up in. Buffy walked out of Faith's embrace just as she felt the first drops of rain fall on her face. The tow older Scoobies walked down the stairs as Faith too a final look around. Glancing at the two small bare-patches where the girls had sat, she took in how much they stood out from the rest of the garden. It's grown by leaps and bounds, and faith realized they had that potential too. Some forgiveness, some positive thinking, and their relationship could flourish too.  
  
Taking one last look at the setting sun and the darkened clouds, faith made her way down the stairs slowly. As she ascended, she was stopped at each floor by her students and was forced to tell them that there was no trip tonight. They all asked when the next one would be, and she simply had to shake her head. Once she'd finally made it to the second floor, she started walking towards Willow's Office where she was sure the two would be. As she raised her hand to knock, to ask when the two Slayers should meet up to go Dancing, she heard a strange snippet of conversation . . .  
  
"Have you told her yet?" Willow asked. Faith heard the distinct sound of Buffy sighing, and there was a rustle, presumably from someone shaking their head.  
  
"No, and I don't plan to either. There are some things that I think Faith is better off not knowing."  
  
"You trust her, don't you?" Willow asked quickly. Before the words were out of the redhead's mouth Buffy responded.  
  
"Of Course I do!" she said quickly, "It's not even a question of that . . . I just think she's happier this way. Ignorance I bliss and all that . . ." The blonde said slowly. Faith walked away quickly, wondering what she possibly didn't know. Buffy and Willow were keeping something from her, and tonight she was not only going to have fun, she was going to find out what Buffy's secret was . . . even if she had to spill her own in return.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
( To Be Continued . . . )  
  
~VixenRaign~  
  
End Part One Of Three (Plus Epilogue) of "Our Secret's Made", Prequel To "These Secrets Kept" and "Those Secrets Revealed" by VixenRaign.  
  
_ 


	2. That's My Girl

(((Author's Note: hey people! due to the fact that i needed a lot of help with this chapter, but received no response to said plea, i got far too antsy, and decided to post it anyways. I'd still love some help with it if there are any offers, but i find that unlikely. at any rate! I hope you enjoy it, and please be as honest as possible with the whole love-scene thing;. . . it's my first time.  
  
P.S.: it didn't turn out quite like i wanted, but tell me what you think so far; this chapter is VITAL to the series. Thanks again!)))  
  
= = = (* That's My Girl *) = = =   
  
Buffy jogged out of the shower in an effort to get to her cell-phone before it stopped ringing. Desperately trying to hold her towel on, she held the phone against her shoulder.   
  
"Hello?" She asked breathlessly.   
  
[Hey B.] Faith chuckled, [You out for a jog?] Buffy sighed, though a smile marred her sweet face.   
  
"Not exactly . . ." the blonde drawled, "I hopped out of the shower to get the phone. Even still, when the cell-phone rings, my Slayer-Anti- Apocalypse instincts go off."   
  
[Sorry about setting the Spidey-Senses off,] Faith laughed, [I just called to arrange the Hows-Whens-Wheres of our meeting up tonight.] Buffy chuckled tiredly as she sat down on her bed.   
  
"Well, why don't I just head over and meet you inside?" Buffy asked. Faith started chuckling herself . . . to the point where Buffy took the phone away from her ear to look at it.   
  
[What about dinner?] Faith asked between her laughter.   
  
"What *about* dinner?" Buffy asked back playfully.   
  
[If there isn't food involved in this outing, you're going to have one very cranky Slayer on your hands.] She shot back, still chortling, trying to sound threatening as well. It didn't work. Buffy opened her closet and started looking at her clothes, deep in thought.   
  
"Alright then, dinners on me. We can go to the TarPit, I know you love that place."  
  
[Alright, plans achieved . . . but what about you and me meeting up? Gimme the when and where.]   
  
"How about 30 or 40 minutes, give or take?" Buffy asked, pulling out some clothes and putting them on the bed.   
  
[There might be a small problem with that B . . .]   
  
"Like what?" the blonde asked quickly, just as she heard a knock at her door. "Oh, Faith, hang on for a second okay?" she asked into the receiver, "I'm Coming!" She yelled towards the door.   
  
[Alright B.] Faith laughed. Buffy ran to the door, still holding her towel up, praying it wasn't one of her students.   
  
"Willow, can you give me the print-outs lat- " Buffy stopped as she opened the door, seeing that it was - indeed - not Willow on the other side. "Faith?!" Buffy chuckled. The brunette smirked and simply clicked her cell-phone off as she leaned against the doorframe.   
  
"Faith, what are you doing here?" The blonde laughed, crossing her arms over her chest. She did this partly to look smart, but mostly because the terry-cloth had started to droop.   
  
"Hey, how was I supposed to know that you're so high maintenance?" Faith defended quickly. "I sorta figured you'd be good to go when I just showed up." Buffy blushed as she shot a half-scowl towards the brunette. Waving the girl in, she stepped back.   
  
"Just give me a second to get dressed and do the hair and make-up thing, then we can feed you." Buffy bent down to pick her boots and Faith didn't even pretend not to look at the blonde's cute butt.  
  
Before Faith had even really appreciated the soft curves of the aforementioned back-side, the towel hit the flow and she got a real view. Damn, Faith thought, if only she wasn't wearing those panties! They were black, cotton ones, and they looked damn good against that tanned Californian skin. They're very B, Faith thought amusedly, when it comes to being 'Bad' she can talk the talk, and walk the walk, but she'll never step over the line.   
  
"Are you wet?" the blonde's question completely caught Faith off guard. Shaking her head slightly, she had to take a second in wondering if she'd her Buffy correctly.   
  
"Huh?" Faith asked back, slightly worried that she'd been caught. Standing up and pulling on a halter-top, Buffy glanced at Faith over her shoulder.   
  
"Are you wet? I was just wondering if you'd been caught in the rain . . . I was thinking of wearing my leather pants, but I don't want to ruin them if it's already started to pour." Faith smiled slightly and shook her head.   
  
"I doubt it'll rain for a little while longer. Besides, you're taking a cab back from Mecca, right?" Buffy laughed, and nodded; pulling a pair of tight, low-rise leathers over her legs. The black of the pants off-set the shimmering silver of her top, which Faith noticed was slightly tighter than most of her other shirts. And Faith would know, she paid very close attention to Buffy's shirts. Blushing at that last thought, she stood up and stretched. Buffy walked into her little bathroom and started putting on her make-up, talking to Faith all the while.   
  
"Who's the bouncer tonight?" the blonde asked, putting on her eye-liner.   
  
"Charlie." Faith replied stoically, coming up behind her, and checking her own make-up. "He's a total sucker for cute little girls though. He'll let them in even when their fake IDs are glaringly obvious." Buffy chuckled, and started putting on her lip-gloss. Faith was transfixed for a moment, then remembered how easy she could be caught looking at her in the mirror.   
  
"Hey, as long as he doesn't get caught, and no one gets hurt, then it's okay by me." Buffy quickly brushed out her hair, and Faith simply shook her head. For some reason, she liked watching Buffy make herself up. She knew the blonde didn't need it; she thought the little Slayer looked sexiest just after training when she was slightly mussed and sweaty from sparring.   
  
"Yeah, I guess your right." Faith agreed, looking away and walking back into the next room, followed shortly by Buffy. "Besides, he always calls them cabs when they leave and makes sure they take them. He's a pretty decent guy." Buffy chuckled and grabbed her coat as she headed for the door.   
  
"Don't let Wood hear you talking like that," Buffy laughed, "You know how jealous he gets, especially about you."   
  
"Yeah, yeah yeah," Faith drawled as they made their way out of Buffy's Room and descended from the Staff Housing Floor. "It's starting to cramp my style. Besides, there's a line between Boy-friend and Stalker. Does he know that?" Faith chuckled, and Buffy did too. She knew Faith was only kidding.   
  
"You get used to it." Buffy said reassuringly as they waved down a cab. "Besides, you'll be shocked at how much you'll miss it once it's gone."   
  
Later that night, after they'd finished their dinner, the two girls made their way to the start of the long queue in front of Mecca. The place was getting popular and fast. They'd had a mention in some People-type- magazine and now Mecca was the place to be. Buffy and Faith walked past all the other waiting people; the brunette with a smirk quite reminiscent of her older more Evilly inclined self, and the blonde with her eyes cast down, trying not to smile.   
  
"Hey Chuck!" Faith called, knowing that Charlie hated being called that, but let Faith because he liked her too much. "What's the happening?" she asked as she and Buffy came to stand right next to him. He smiled and gave her a hug.   
  
"Things are nuts!" he said over the noise from the club and the chatting patrons in line. "Pixie's on DJ-Mixing tonight, so there's a great turn- out. Not to mention that Lexy's training the new girl at the bar so things are moving slow over by the drink tables!" Faith laughed and Buffy simply nodded, having no idea who they were talking about. "Is this that girl you're tellin' me about?" he asked, Buffy turned to look at Faith, who blushed, though only for a second.   
  
"Yeah, Chuck, you know B!" Faith said happily, "You're only met her about three times!" She laughed and Buffy shook his hand firmly. He smiled even wider, and looked to Faith again.   
  
"I can see why you like her!" he laughed. Faith nodded, and took the blonde's hand as she dragged her through the door again.   
  
"What have you been saying about me?" Buffy called loudly over the booming music. Faith shook her head and smiled.   
  
"Don't worry, B!" she spoke into the Chosen One's ear. "Nothing that isn't on your Arrest File!" Buffy shoved her playfully and Faith grabbed a small table near the dance floor. Placing their jackets down on the chairs, they looked around. The place was jumping, and they were ready to have some fun.   
  
"Hey B!" Faith yelled slightly, "Why don't you watch the table, I'mma go get us some drinks and find out if they need any extra help tonight!" Just as the brunette started to walk away she felt a hand on her arm. It was Buffy's.   
  
"Faith!" She called, a sad smile on her face, "This was supposed to be our night of careless fun!" she chuckled, "Promise me you won't ditch me unless this place goes into a Code-Red?" Faith laughed and nodded. Shoving Buffy down into one of the seats, Faith made her way over to the Bar. The new girl, Pegzy, was in the shits. People were yelling their orders at her from left and right, and she wasn't getting a single one of them.   
  
"Lexy! You two doing alright?" Faith called, ducking under the bar. The tall woman with a spiked collar and black hair turned to look at her with relief.   
  
"Thank god you're here!" The older woman called, "Help me with these customers!" She pleaded. Faith through her arm around the woman's shoulder, and chuckled.   
  
"You *know* I don't have my liquor license, and on top of that, you *know* that tonight is my night off." Lexy nodded sadly and watched as Pegzy dropped three bottles of beer. The black-haired woman shook her head and sighed angrily. As she turned back to the other customers and started taking their impatient orders, she glanced back at Faith, who was popping bottle-caps off of beers and handing them to the people who's already paid.   
  
"So where's this girl you were telling me about?" Lexy called back over her shoulder. "She's here, isn't she?" Faith nodded, and tapped her shoulder. Lexy leaned against her as she pointed through the crown do where Buffy was sitting, dancing in her seat and scoping the scene. The older woman chuckled and went back to her orders. "I can see why you like her," she said laughingly. Faith simply shook her head, wondering why people always said that.   
  
"Yeah, she's a cutie, that's for sure." Faith laughed and excused herself, heading for the stage. Pixie, and yes that was her real name unfortunately, was mixing it up. Faith said a quick hello and asked how things were going. They talked for all of two minutes, and then Faith saw that Buffy had left the table. Waving and heading back over to where she'd last seen the blonde, Faith looked around. She took in the dance floor near the table, but found no body matching the one she wanted. Slowly, she felt a hand slide over her shoulder.   
  
"What say you and I get out there?" came a familiar voice, purring in her ear. Faith smiled, and placed a hand over the one attached to her. As they made their way out into the mass, Faith started dancing. The brunette always loved to dance, and she was good at it. It was an escape; and it usually ended for the better. It was how she'd first caught the eye of Buffy and the Scooby-Gang. When she'd been down to LA to kill Angel, it allowed her to forget all about Sunnydale and the shit she'd caused there. She'd had a clean slate to dirty up without the blonde's knowledge. Also; Bronzing it before their battle with the first . . . it'd felt good. Even if it was eventually the reason the Mini-Slayers voted her in charge resulting in the deaths of three potentials.   
  
The music was good tonight. Pixie had a talent for good fast beats that people could really get into, and mix them well enough so that there was little to know recognition of where one song stopped and one began. Mecca was very much *not* like the bronze, but it was exactly what Faith wanted; and to have Buffy holding her hand and dancing with her . . . what more could a former convict want? The two slayers danced nearly an hour, and then headed back to their table. After waving down a waitress who also seemed to be new, they ordered their drinks.   
  
"Hey Newby!" Faith called, almost rudely, "Tell Pegzy over at the bar that if she sends a bottle of Jack out to Faith, I won't tell Jim about her breaking the lock into the store-room." Faith smiled as the girl walked off, and turned to Buffy. The blonde seemed a bit surprised, but tried to hide it. "Don't tell me I have to finish off this bottle by myself?" She asked skeptically. Buffy smirked at her through the corner of her eyes and shook her head.   
  
"You know I hate drinking, Faith . . ." Buffy drawled. It was true; Buffy hated drinking . . . but she didn't mind getting drunk. It was how they'd first started bonding way back after the fall of Sunnydale. They'd dropped off all the little girls at the LA County Hospital along with Wood who was placed in intensive care. When the Scoobies had tried to get Buffy to seek Medical attention as well, she'd refused. Although Faith had legitimately freaked when she'd witnessed Buffy get run-through, she offered to patch the blonde up herself. So she did; at the Hyperion, in fact.   
  
Faith had used Fred's Med-Kit to the extent of its abilities, depleting almost everything in it. The brunette had never bothered with medical attention before, excluding the time she was in a coma, so she was completely lost. She did know how to sew though, so she managed to stitch up Buffy pretty well . . . except for the fact that Buffy was constantly hissing because it hurt. To get the blonde to 'shut-up' she'd given her a good dose of Lorne's brandy and also used it to sterilize the wound later when they ran out of Ethyl Alcohol. That's how it started; Buffy in a slight haze asked where Faith'd learned to sew. Chuckling, she said she'd picked it up as a kid for when she had to darn her clothes. She also told the blonde that she'd learned quilt-making in prison as well. From there bonding came pretty easy, even if Buffy was sober.   
  
"Come on!" Faith joked as their order arrived at the table. "Just a bit of 'Ole Tennessee #7 Whiskey, and you'll be set for a night full of non- Slaying Slayer-Fun." The brunette took the two double-shoot glasses and filled until they were nearly over-flowing. Raising the small glass slightly, Faith smiled at her friend, and waited for the blonde to - reluctantly - do the same. "To the last original Chosen One!" Faith saluted, and knocked the drink back, tweaking only slightly. Buffy smirked, and leaned forward a bit.   
  
"To the Chosen Two; together at last." With that she swallowed the whole thing in one gulp and placed it rim-down on the table. Faith's eyes widened, and she poured them both another round. They continued on like this for a while, but they didn't get very drunk. Due to the Slayers' fast metabolism, and their resistance to foreign toxins in their body, it would probably take the entire bottle to get them completely drunk. They toasted almost everything they could think of; Caleb, may he rest in pieces; Giles, and his new head-mastery-ness; even Xander's eye-socket, may it be welcoming and accepting to its new eye.   
  
"Man!" Faith yelled, after watching Buffy take what seemed like her 10th shot, "I thought you said you hated to drink?" Both girls chuckled, starting to get a bit tipsy. Buffy poured them both another shot each, and then she got up.   
  
"Come on, one for the road!" Buffy laughed, knocking back her drink, and then shimmying back onto the dance floor. Faith quickly downed her own, and then tried to catch up with the blonde. Damn, Faith thought, I lost her! She had. The little Slayer had scurried off before the brunette could follow, and now she was lost in that sea of bodies, a drift in the undulating crowd.   
  
After a few minutes and some dancing through the mass of people in order to find her counter-part, her eyes fell on Buffy. She was dancing up a small storm, with several guys dancing nearby. Faith growled under the music, and slowly approached her. Slipping between the male on-lookers, Faith wrapped a slow and smooth hand around the smaller girl's stomach. Glaring at the now slightly confused boys, she hoped that Buffy didn't push her away and make an ass out of her. To her surprise, Buffy reached back and wrapped an arm around her neck.   
  
"There you are." She smiled up at her. Faith smirked at the men, still staring, as they realized their closeness.   
  
"This goes out to two girls I saw walking in," Came Pixie's voice over the speakers, "And who I'm sure will be walking out together . . ." Faith chuckled as she caught the pink-haired-DJ's eye, and held Buffy a little closer.   
  
"Hey B," Faith whispered into the blonde's ear, "Get a load of this song; you'll finally get to hear T.a.t.U. in English." Buffy chuckled and heard the beat of the song change gracefully to something lively and new.  
  
"Hansom,  
Tender,  
Soft,  
Why do you look right through me,  
Thinking,  
"No",  
I can't deny my feelings,  
Growing strong,  
I try to keep believing,  
Dreaming on,  
And every time I see you,  
I crave more,  
I wanna pull you closer  
Closer,  
Closer,  
Closer,  
But you leave me feeling frozen,"   
  
As both girls danced, Faith couldn't help but think of the irony in the words. As the blonde's hands stayed looped around her neck, Faith held her by her hips, making them sway together to the music. The on-lookers suddenly dropped away as she watched Buffy close her eyes and sink into the feeling of the brunette's hands guiding her body.  
  
  
"My Chickie,  
My Chickie,  
I can be,  
All you need,  
Won't you please,  
Stay with me,  
My Chickie,  
My Chickie,  
Apologies, might-have-been's,  
My Chickie,  
My Chickie,  
Can't erase what I feel,  
My Chickie,  
My Chickie,"   
  
Buffy took one of Faith's hands from around her waist and clasped it in one of her own. Holding them above their heads, she pressed back into the younger woman sensually. She watches Buffy slowly crouched down, and slowly came back up, all the while her firm butt swaying against the Dark Slayer's legs. Faith shuddered, and quickly spun the blonde around, forcing them to come face to face. Faith was breathless and flushed, as was her partner. She saw the hazel eyes flicker down and land on her dark lips, but their dancing never stopped.  
  
  
"Choking,  
Back emotion,  
I try to keep on hoping,  
For a way;  
A reason for us both to,  
Come in,  
Close,  
I long for me to hold you,  
Like your boyfriend. does,  
And though my dream is,  
Slowly Fading,  
I wanna be the object,  
Object,  
Object,  
Object,  
Of your passion but It's hopeless."   
  
As the music changed slightly, Faiths own eyes flickered to the soft pink petals that made up Buffy's mouth. Licking her lips, the brunette leaned in, and ever so slowly kissed the True Slayer. The dance-floor melted away and all Faith could hear was the music and the thump of Buffy's heart against the hand she had at the blonde's neck to steady the kiss. Time stopped, and it felt as though something mystical was surging between their bodies.  
  
  
"My Chickie,  
My Chickie,  
I can be,  
All you need,  
Won't you please,  
Stay with me,  
My Chickie,  
My Chickie,  
Apologies, might-have-been's,  
My Chickie,  
My Chickie,  
Can't erase what I feel,  
My Chickie,  
My Chickie"  
  
Breaking away from their heated and sensual kiss, Buffy blinked slowly, and Faith looked both shocked and worried about her actions. Buffy's eyes widened, and she quickly turned to run from the club. She didn't get far. Faith still had a hold on her hand, and quickly spun her back into her arms, wrapping her up in a tight embrace, and kissing her passionately. This time, when they broke away, running was the last think Buffy wanted to do.  
  
As the next song started, Faith was only vaguely aware that it was also a T.a.t.U. song; the familiar lyrics of 'Show Me Love' both driving her and giving her conviction. Leading Buffy to the back hall, kissing all the way, and into the elevator she doubted that the blonde even realized they'd left the club. As the slow moving freighter made its way up to Faith's floor, the brunette pressed the impassioned blonde against the back wall and ravaged that pouting mouth of the True Slayer.   
  
"Faith" Buffy moaned breathlessly, grasping the younger girl to her with disparity. Faith smiled into her kisses, and slipped a hand around to the Buffy's back. As she walked them through the door backwards and fumbling, she tugged blindly at the strings that made up the woman's shirt. Giving a tipsy giggle, Buffy reached down and simply pulled it off, tossing it onto a near-by chair. Faith couldn't help the large smile that came to her face at the blonde's sudden willingness. Grabbing the older woman around the hips she invited her to wrap her legs around her waist. She did, and quiet eagerly.  
  
The brunette pressed her partner's back up against one of the support pillars and began attacking her neck. She remembered, as they danced, the way her bite-mark caught the dim light of the club. It called to her, mocking her; undeniable evidence that at some time she'd belonged to another. True, it seemed like a lifetime ago, and in fact it actually was for Buffy, but it enraged Faith. It was true also that Angel was now one of her dearest friends, but that didn't mean she wasn't jealous of him still.  
  
With her lips attached firmly to the blonde's neck, and hands gently tickling her back with gentle scratches, Faith was eliciting the most delicious reactions from Buffy. She was mewling and purring, arching her back against the cold metal pillar. She ran her hands through the brunette's dark tresses, gently gathering handfuls of the dark velvet and took in slow shaky breaths. Faith could feel her arousal growing with each gentle sound and every gasped breath. Taking her lips away for a moment to admire her work, she smiled at the red mark covering the once pale scar.  
  
"Don't stop!" Buffy pleaded, eyes closed, and hands still running in the brunette's hair. Faith smiled and ran her hands up the blonde's back once again. Hands searching for the blonde's bra strap, it took her a few seconds to realize the older woman hadn't been wearing one. This realization made Faith's mind freeze for a moment. Pulling away further to get a better view of her new prize, her eyes opened in surprise. Well then, she thought, definitely worth the wait! Smirking, the younger girl leaned down and took a hardened nipple between her teeth and sucked on it gently. A high-pitched squeal was emitted from the blonde, and Faith smiled around the hardened nub between her lips.  
  
Grasping her tightly again Faith guided them towards the bed in the corner. As she gently placed the blonde upon it, she never stopped her gently sucking. As the younger felt her shirt being listed off of her back she couldn't help but moan. The very idea that she was doing this, with Buffy, the temptress and tease of her eye, made her shudder with anticipation. As soon as the fabric passed over her head and she reached down to resume her ministrations, she suddenly felt Buffy's hand on either side of her face. Pulling Faith up to her, the blonde planted a solid, slow, and passionate kiss on the deep red lips of her counter-part. Both pulled away panting, resting their foreheads together.  
  
"Let me get your pants." Faith breathed out, her warm breath mingling between their heated faces before she scooted down to undo the snap on the other girl's pants. As she pulled the zipper down slowly, she watched as Buffy arched off the bet, listing that cute behind she'd admired only hours ago, so she could pull the tight leather down her legs. Smiling, genuinely smiling, Faith pulled them all the way down to the blonde's ankles . . . before she realized the other still had she shoes on. Letting out a short and embarrassed chuckle, Faith started trying to untie the odd straps off the older woman's shoes. The laugh catching Buffy attention, she looked up to see what was funny. Seeing Faith have trouble with her shoes she laughed too.  
  
"Here, let me help you . . ." reaching down she quickly pulled the shoes off, and kicked the pants off after. Catching Faith's eyes before she looked away, smiling self-consciously, Buffy smiled. "Faith." Buffy stated simply, in a quiet whisper. Placing a palm on either cheek, she forced the brunette to look at her again. Closing her eyes, Buffy kissed the brunette's nose, then her lips, then her chin, down to her neck as her pulled her back up the bed. Reaching around her back, the blonde undid the clasp on the black-silk bra and languidly slipped it down the soft olive shoulders. Kissing along the girl's collar bone, to the now bare shoulders, the blonde purred, and Faith was captivated. So beautiful, she thought, I had no idea how beautiful . . .  
  
"Please, don't stop." The blonde whispered. Faith didn't need any more encouragement than that. Looping her thumbs into the elastic of the blonde's panties, she quickly slipped them off and tossed them over the side of her bed. Smirking at the small shiver she felt run through her fellow slayer at the action, Faith couldn't help the feeling of power that passed through her. Wrapping an arm around the small of her back and gently touching her face with the other Faith watched as Buffy's breathing became labored and quick.  
  
"B, look at me . . ." No response, just trembling knees beneath her. "Buffy, please, I want to see your eyes . . . I want you to see me." At that they slowly opened, and Faith could see they were collecting with tears. Realizing that the older woman was slightly scared, Faith kissed her slowly. Slowly, gently, carefully and meticulously, Faith felt her partner clam and regain her confidence. "I'll be gentle . . . I Promise." The blonde simply nodded, closing her eyes and willing her tears back. Quickly disposing of her own pants, Faith kissed that small little button nose, then the cheeks, then her closed eyes.  
  
"Buffy . . ." was all Faith could think so say as her eyes caught the soft, pink lips of the other girl. Leaning down she kissed those lips, unable to look at them for any longer without claiming them as her own. She felt Buffy gasp and shudder beneath her, but she knew what to do. Reaching down, she ran a hand gently up her side, warming the exposed skin, tickling her ribs. It was slow, comforting, and got the blonde's breathing into a calmer rhythm. Gently slipping a leg between Buffy's, Faith ran her hand down the blonde's stomach, circling her belly-button with her index finger, and then down into the valley between her hips. Letting the pad of her thumb smooth out the line that her low-rise leathers left behind, Faith slowly let her hand drift lower between their bodies down to the blonde's soaked core.  
  
"Oh!" Came Buffy's panted exclamation as Faith slowly entered her. She was slow, trying to be as gentle as possible, and yet Buffy had her eyes pinched shut as though it was hurting her. Kissing her forehead lightly, whispering to her quietly, Buffy nodded. Faith never stopped, adding the pressure of her leg behind her hand as well. Buffy moaned profoundly, and thrashed her head from side to side. Leaning down, the brunette kissed her deeply. "Faith? Faith?" Buffy called out, almost as if she were afraid that the girl wouldn't be there is she opened her eyes. Her grip on the brunette's arm tightened, then loosened, then back again, fluctuating by the second.  
  
"I'm right here Buffy." She whispered to her, running her thumb over the blonde's clit, "I'm right here. Open you eyes, Baby, I'm right here." She said kissing her cheeks, nose, and eyelids all the while. Slowly, almost hesitantly, Buffy's eyes opened; meeting the flushed and heated face of her Sister-Slayer. Speeding up at the light she saw shining in the blonde's eyes, Faith smiled and kissed the older woman passionately, running her tongue across those puffed and pouted lips connected to her own. As the younger girl sped her pace Buffy's voice grew ever louder and high in pitch.  
  
Faith gripped the blonde's leg between her own and placed her own clit against the True Slayer's hipbone. As the blonde bucked with pleasure, her own grew. As she watched the beauty beneath her moan and writhe in passion, she couldn't help the feeling that came over her. Need. All consuming, all encompassing; Primal. Need to please Buffy, need to please her self, but more than that. More than pleasure and passion and release. To connect, to feel the boundaries of their bodies fade and slip away until they slid into each other and became the single entity that the universe had meant them to be. Slayer; One, and Only. The way things should have been years ago.  
  
"FAITH!" Buffy cried out, voice tired and desperate. Her body gave one final heave; back arching completely off the bed, toes curling, fingernails gripping the flesh of the brunette's forearm. But Faith didn't feel it. She was too caught up in her own release, brought upon her with the knowledge that could give it to Buffy. That, and fact that their bodies fit together like a jigsaw puzzle; made to come together. As she continued her gentle strokes, drawing out her lover's passion, Faith panted. 'Buffy . . . Buffy . . . Buffy . . .' repeatedly. The only noise that passed her cherry-red lips as she found her own satisfaction, moaned in a whisper and mumbled into the silken blonde tresses gather at the neck her face was buried in.  
  
Both exhausted, both completely and totally exhausted, their bodies flopped and became limp as rag-dolls. Al traces of Slayer-strength gone, all stamina and resistance and endurance talked about in reverence through the history of Chosen Ones vanished like a puff of smoke in the wind. The last thought running through faith's head as she quickly fell into unconsciousness was 'Only a Slayer . . .'  
  
Many hours later, in the pre-twilight hours of the morning, Buffy awoke. Blinking her eyes a few times, she tried to collect her bearings. Her sleep addled brain determined that this was indeed a place she knew, and it was - in fact - Faith's apartment. But what am I doing here, she wondered. Blinking her now focused eyes; she realized what had woken her up. She had to pee. Reaching to pull back the covers and find the bathroom, she realized a few things. She was naked, she was in Faith's bed, and said Slayer was laying atop her with a knee in her crotch. Well, she thought as she tried to work through the shock her brain was now it, I guess that explains the need to use the restroom so badly. Pulling back the covers, she watched as Faith flinched from the cool draft and rolled over in her sleep, seeking refuge in the section of bed still sheeted.  
  
Stepping onto the cold floor, Buffy looked around. Her clothes were strune about mixed along with Faith's. On the desk chair, however, was a bathrobe. Quickly slipping it on, she silently paddled to the toilet. As she washed her hands after relieving herself, she looked into the mirror. Her hair was a bit of a mess, her cheeks were flushed, but she noticed something. She was smiling. She hadn't even noticed that she had been. It usually took a lot of effort to make her smile, and here had been grinning all the while without even knowing it. She also noticed that it grew with that realization. Drying her hands and flicking of the bathroom light, Buffy leaned on the doorway, gazing at Faith as she slept curled in her bed.  
  
Wow, this has been some night, Buffy thought to herself. Thinking back to the past event of the evening, she couldn't help but blush. The dancing, the drinking, the kissing, and then the . . . well, Buffy didn't know what she'd call it. Incredible is a word that comes to mind, the older woman thought back to their sexual endeavor. Buffy's never been with a woman before, and to be honest she was glad that it was Faith who'd been the one. Chuckling at that last thought, Buffy walked back over to the bed where the brunette lay snuggled under the sheets. She gently ran the backs of her fingers along the soft cheeks. She barely even stirred as the blonde observed her, and ran her hand through her hair.  
  
Catching the time illuminated on the clock on her counter-part's night stand which ready 5:13, Buffy couldn't help but worry. What would tomorrow bring, she wondered, will she remember? Will she regret it, will she be angry, will she tell the Scoobies? All the ideas and worried ran around in circles within the blonde's skull, until another object on the nightstand caught her attention. It was a photograph, one that had been taken on the first open day of Academy di Academia. The entire gang was there.  
  
All the potentials that were new to the program stood on the higher stairs in the back, the ones that had survived Sunnydale on the next step down, in front of them stood Dawn, Xander, Wood, Andrew, with Giles and Willow on either end to show their positions of importance. In front of them still was the entire Fang-Gang, who'd flown out for the opening. Even Angel was in it, an umbrella held above his smiling self. They'd had to use digital so that he's show up. This was the picture that hung in the entryway in the school, one that would be remembered as the First Class. But that wasn't what caught Buffy's eye. Now, it was the two people standing front and center of the frame. A short blonde girl and a leather clad brunette beauty with her arm thrown across her partner's shoulders. Buffy and Faith, holding up a little paper sign that read 'Chosen'.  
  
Buffy couldn't help but smile at the sight of this. She'd had a copy too; it was framed and hanging in her room back at the school. Running her fingers over the smooth surface of the glass, Buffy grinned. Lifting the covers and crawling back under them quickly, she spooned herself around Faith. Reaching down and quickly disposing of the robe once again, she settled in. but just as she rested her head on the brunette's shoulder, and just as she was starting to consider the possibilities of a sunny tomorrow, her eyes caught a new picture. The one tapped to the side of Faith's nightstand. The picture of a smiling Wood.  
  
.  
  
(To Be Continued . . .)  
  
(Author's Note: I Know! I'm Sorry! For all you T.a.t.U. fans out there, there is an explanation to the changing of their lyrics of their lovely song (Titled 'Malchik Gay', not 'My Chickie'), if you want to hear it E- Mail me. Squibs thought it was funny, and she's also to blame for it. New Chapter coming ASAP Y'all!)  
  
PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK ABOUT THE LOVE-SCENE BECAUSE IT'S MY FIRST REAL ATTEMPT, SO ANY ADVICE OR COMMENTS WOULD BE VERY WELCOME AND HELPFUL.  
  
~VixenRaign~  
  
Satanslilangl@yahoo.com 


	3. Remorse, complete

(Author's Note: just wanted you all to know that I've started working on this Fic again! But, as it's finals and I have to pack to move 3,000 miles away again I figured I'd give you all what I have as I have it. Which means this will be coming out in short burts until I have a whole chapter; hope you don't mind. Figured it was better than nothing. When I'm done I'll bring all the bits together into a single chapter. Okay?)

"**Our Secrets Made**" _Chapter Three_ **_'Remorse'_**

three point three; February 1st- th

…

Faith woke the next morning to sore muscles and slightly dap sheets. She felt herself grin at knowing what that meant. As she took in a deep breath to begin the morning routine of yawn, stretch, give the night visitor a good looky-lou… The smell on the sheets came to her. It was slight, feminine, and painfully familiar. The scent alone made her nearly as wet as the memories from the night before as they too came flooding into her. She froze.

"Buffy?" she asked, almost timidly, her voice quiet. No response. Aw fuck, aw fuck, aw fuck… was all that ran through her head. Hell, she got her wish; her deepest, darkest fantasy and desire, and yet all she could grasp right now was regret. She'd slept with Buffy. She'd been drinking, they both had; but Buffy more than her. What if she'd taken advantage of her?

They had finally gotten so close; she knew she was now considered the blonde's best friend but this was not part of her friendly-duties. God, that little Slay-monster was going to kill her… hangover allowing. Her muscles pleaded for a stretch, _begged_, but she didn't want to wake Buffy before she had to, didn't want the uglies to start before they had to. Leaning up gently on her elbows she looked over at her bed partner.

Who must have been a lot smaller and thinner that she'd previously imagined if she could have hidden under the sheets next to her. Eyes widening in shock, she pulled up the comforter and sheets. Empty.

"B?" she asked, more loudly this time. Nothing. Rubbing her eyes vigorously as she sat up all the way she looked over her apartment. There were clothes cast about, but they were mostly hers. She thinks. She really needed to pick up her apartment more often. That wasn't the point! She pulled the pale olive comforter around herself as she slid her aching legs off the edge of the bed.

She was gone, half of her was sure of it. She'd been left in the middle of the night, not only by her best friend who had also expressed a deep hatred for the dirty-underhandedness of this act; but also by the woman she'd believed she'd made love to the night before. Yeah, so there it was. She loved Buffy; like that was a shock to anyone. Actually it probably was. Especially to the blonde herself, she was pretty sure. Shit.

Just yesterday in the garden the blonde had been open enough to tell her that yeah – she liked girls. That small glimmer of hope had been enough to make Faith's decade. She'd been determined to prove to Buffy, first and foremost, that this wouldn't change their relationship and that she wouldn't think any differently of her. Well, her thinking hadn't change… much… but their friendship had. She had a feeling that this would be irreversible. And the scariest part was, for the life of her; Faith had no idea what she would do if she could relive the last 24 hours.

"Hey B?" Faith tried, one last time. Her tone, had anyone been there to hear it, would have reviled how defeated she felt just then. Getting up, feebly she checked under the bed, in the bathroom, and even her closet. Slumping down in one of the old, wooden, mismatched chairs around her card-table (the only table in her studio apartment) she rubbed her face roughly with the palms of her hands.

Taking a gulp of air and forcing a sigh from her lips, she pulled her hands away again. They were wet with sleep and tears. Feeling a hiccup die in her chest, she looked around her apartment. God damn it, she thought, I really fucked up this time. She felt the hiccup and thick tears return and fought them off with all her might. But she was losing. She felt sick.

The door opened.

She heard the knob turn and saw it open in her peripheral vision and she was so scared of who it might be and so embarrassed as to how hopeless she knew she looked that she couldn't make herself turn to see who it was. All she could see was a blob of color, vague shape of what she knew to be a person. Hell, it was probably a student sent over to get her for a class she'd accidentally slept through again. Ha, she thought, having to excuse and explain all this to some poor fifteen-year-old girl.

"Hey." Her heart sunk even lower at hearing _that_ voice in _that_ tone.

"Hey B." Faith mumbled, not bothering to change the rough, sad, graveled tone her voice had taken on since her battle with crying.

"I brought you some coffee." Buffy said hopefully, delicately and hesitant, placing a tray with two cups on the table, a small pastry bag taking up the rest of it. "They had one of those scone things you hate to love so…" she trailed off. She nodded and picked at her nails, an angry kind of focus to it.

"So; you leave to get coffee," she started, finally looking at the blonde and knowing the answer as she gazed at her, "or for something else?" The blonde had changed. Showered, changed, put on make-up and new jewelry.

She'd done herself up a bit, as though she were going somewhere. Suddenly Faith was sure that she had circles under her eyes, her face looked sallow, and that her hair must have looked like someone had come in the night to try and make little animal sculptures out of it. She pulled the blanket tighter.

"Faith, look – " she started, sounding unsure.

"You know what!" Faith screamed, suddenly, as her hiccups almost started again, "Just fucking save it, B. What excuse do you want to use, huh? Drinking? Partying? Curiosity? The simple fact that I'm easy and everyone knows it?"

"Faith!" Buffy yelled, sounding almost offended. Faith stopped. Buffy was almost crying. She _was_ offended. She pulled her keys out of her coat pocket and laid them on the table.

"What?" she asked back, tone still hostile. She knew she exploded but she still knew how this conversation would end. She couldn't shake her hostility.

"I can't stay here long," she wheezed out, her voice showing how much she was fighting the emotions bubbling in her chest. "I have an errand I have to run." Faith nodded, as if to say _yeah; I know just how important I am to you_. "Faith, about last night."

"I said save it."

"No, Faith, because I want you to hear this." She marched herself around the table until she was standing in front of the brunette's chair. Her body language was angry, and Faith was sure she was about to get chewed out. For taking advantage, for being a shitty friend, for being the more sober of the two and doing nothing to stop it – for starting it in the first place!... She wasn't ready for it, but she couldn't make herself move, either.

"I…" and then there was nothing. She gulped, and her eyes watered and turned red with effort, but still there was nothing. So Faith broke and reached out a hand to touch hers. Buffy accepted it, briefly, before crouching down to look directly into Faith's face.

"I want to thank you," she started, slowly, "For last night. It was… beautiful. It was all the things I had hoped something like that would be, and…" she wasn't looking at Faith anymore. She hadn't since she crouched down on one knee, "I'm glad it was with you." Faith's stomach lurched with nausea, and not from the drinks the night before. _Aw fuck_, she realized, _this is going to be a lot worse than I thought_.

"Why me?" Faith asked feebly. Buffy shrugged, glancing at her briefly.

"Because you're the only one who knew. Because you kissed me. Because you wanted to kiss me again and wouldn't let me just leave; deny it; be or do something else no matter how freaked out the whole thing made me." Buffy was rocking slightly by this point, but still no tears had fallen. "Because everything felt so good, and I wanted you." She said the last part so slowly it felt like a dagger being twisted into Faith's gut, languidly, expertly. She'd admitted it. However brief she'd said it; she'd wanted Faith.

"But I can't stay here." She said, just as the brunette knew she would.

"Why not?" Faith pleaded.

"Because I promised myself I wouldn't." she said, and for the first time all mourning her voice took on a strength. "My father left my mother for his secretary and for years I blamed it on myself. When I was 17 I promised myself I would never be the cause of someone else's relationship unhappiness." Faith looked at her confused.

"Now I have to go." She said, voice having returned to a steady tone, her face devoid almost entirely of the sorrow it'd shown moments before. "I have to pick up Wood at the airport in half an hour." Faith's eyes bugged.

She'd forgotten. _Completely!_ She was shocked at how utterly and absolutely she'd wiped him from her mind, but then couldn't blame herself. She did not love him, he was simply a thing to pass the time until he finally stopped trying to rehabilitate her wily ways and she could continue pining for Buffy.

"Wood?" Buffy nodded, picking up her own coffee and keys from the table.

"Yeah, uh," she hesitated. "He and I have been exchanging e-mails a lot lately. He loves you, Faith." She said solidly, as though to say _this is for your own good, you know?_, "He heard how close you and I were getting and he figured that I would be the best person to keep an eye of you… That if anything was wrong, was bothering you, that I would be the first to know…" Faith felt sick again, though this time she thought she might actually lose it.

"He and I had been arranging this surprise for a few weeks now. I promised him I wouldn't tell, so at least pretend you didn't hear it from me?" she asked, a false laugh to her voice. She had really wanted this whole thing to sound off-hand, because the weight of it was finally too much for her to bear.

"B, wait!" Faith called, finally getting up, clutching the comforter to her for a myriad of reason. Buffy turned to look at her, full on again and the tears started gathering in her eyes once more.

"If you could relive the last 24 hours," she started, desperate to know, "What would you change?" Buffy nodded, sadly, finally looking away again as she sniffed hard. She collected herself.

"Not much." She started, digging her toe into the well-loved carpet on the floor. "But I would have waited." She said quietly. "It would have been nice to know, you know?" Faith nodded. Yeah, it would have been nice to know; to know that Buffy had been into girls, that she wanted Faith, that she was glad she slept with her, that she would have waited and that – **_if only she had!_** – then maybe Buffy wouldn't be walking out her door; probably forever in some sense.

"B I can't be with him." She stated, matter-of-factly, "I can't be with him anymore, you know that."

"No, Faith, I don't know that." She argued, voice slightly harder than it had been before, "he's a good man, and he loves you and he doesn't deserve to get his heart broken because of a stupid mistake you and I made!"

"Stupid? Mistake?" Faith bit back, making Buffy flinch, "You said yourself you wouldn't take it back or change it, and now you're trying to play it off as some frivolous little drunken-fling?" She said it with as much derision as she could muster. Buffy really did cry.

"It wasn't a fling but that doesn't mean it wasn't selfish and stupid and childish of us!" she yelled back, actually sobbing, "Do you have any idea how long I've been holding that it?" she yelled, "How long I've wanted to just be myself and to actually feel an attraction to the person making love to me?"

"Yeah, B, I do!" she laughed bitterly, "How long you think I've been houndin' around for?" Buffy stood stock still, a little shocked. "B, in case this managed to escape your ever-perceptive wisdom and insightfulness, I'm kind of in love with you!" She yelled, voice shaking with anger and resentment. Buffy placed a steadying hand on the wall behind her, near the door.

Faith looked from Buffy's hand, to the door-knob, not a foot from one another, and knew with sinful clarity just how fast the blonde was about to run out of there. Faith's face was wet but she wasn't sure why; she couldn't remember crying.

"I mean jeezus B… Can you honesty say that after last night… that you didn't know?" she mumbled, sad and confused, "I mean the shit with Riley, and… Angel?" She gently wrapped her knuckled on the table, looking intently at it and nowhere else. "I broke out of prison to save the love of your life from himself, came back to Sunnydale to try and repay an bottomless debt and ended up in a coma – again." She said, a sick laugh at realizing she spent way too much time unconscious.

"Faith, please," Buffy sobbed, "just stop." The brunette glanced up at her, seeing just how broken the shorter girl looked, and nodded. She'd stop.

"Buffy, I can't stop loving you just because you ask," she said slowly, letting her knew she would have ages ago if she had a say in it, "And spending the weekend with Wood isn't gonna make me forget what happened." Buffy made to interrupt her, but she held up her hand, "I won't tell him if that's what you want to hear from me, because I don't want to hurt him either. You're right, he has been good to me, and what happened was selfish… But I can't stay with him. If anything this whole thing has made me realize how wrong this whole thing is to him – I can't love him! Whether or not you're in the picture."

"I never thought what happened last night would ever happen, not in a million years B." she sighed, "But that never stopped my feelings before. And that was the most incredible night of my life, so I don't think they're suddenly going to change. Or, well, certainly not shrivel up and die." She could see Buffy's shoulder shaking with sobs in the corner of her vision, "You're asking me to be good to Wood, to treat him kind; the best way I can think to do that is to leave him. 'Cause he wants all of me and he can never have that."

"He knows you don't love him," Buffy argued, wetly, "He knows that. He doesn't care. He just wants to make you happy! To show you that not everyone wants what's cheap and easy out of you; that some people think you're worth the effort. That there are those who want to love you!"

"But I already know that!" Faith yelled back, desperate, "Why do you think I fell in love with you in the first place, dammit!" Buffy was stunned, left silently gasping and hiccupping as she witnessed the depth of Faith's despondency. "okay, so it got on my nerves that people used to ask me to be more like you, but… just because it reminded me of how not-good-enough I was for you." Faith took in a deep, slow breath, and felt like it was being sucked out of her lungs just as quickly.

"So that's my secret. I love you." She said, resignation dripping from every syllable. "So now what's yours?" Buffy looked at her confused.

"What?"

"Yesterday? In Willows office, after you'd just told me that you liked girls; a secret no one else knew and you trusted **_me_** with; you said there was something you didn't want to tell me. That you felt I'd be better off not knowing – "

"I'm leaving." Buffy blurted. Faith heaved a deep sigh of exasperation.

"Don't be childish Buffy. Just because I found out you were keeping something from – "

"No, Faith, I mean – **I'm Leaving**." Buffy emphasized, tone solid. "That's the secret. That's why Wood's coming when he is. Because I'm leaving." Faith had an odd feeling in her toes that saw starting to slowly creep up her legs past her ankles and towards her knees…

"Excuse me?" Her voice cracked, dry and raspy, while Buffy's eyes were wet with tears as she steadied herself and looked dead on at Faith.

"I'm leaving. The School, Cleveland, the state of Ohio, any state that has any trace of a Hellmouth… I'm out, Faith. I'm done. I'm retiring."

"Retiring?" the feeling was at her hips and ascending. She could identify it now; it was numbness. She could already feel the pins and needles at the bottoms of her feet where they were tired of holding her up.

"Yeah. Just like You and Giles and everyone else wanted to see if you could lead – or if I could follow – I need to see for myself if I can live as a normal human being. If I can even survive the basic life of paying the water bills, making sure the pilot light stays lit and more than anything else; seeing if I can do it alone. Without Giles or Willow or Tara to help me along. I want to worry about what's the best day to get the tires changed on the car so I can still get to work on time, not the next apocalypse."

"Oh please!" Faith chuckled, in shock, "Even if fixing the car was at the top of your _To Do List_, the end of the world would still be rolling around there too!" Buffy sighed.

"I know. And I want to break myself of that habit. Not to be all Cipher here, but everyone else gets that life and I want it to. Between this reality and the Matrix, hell; I'd chose the matrix too! Who would ask for these responsibilities if they really knew what it entailed?"

"Kennedy?" Faith blurted, half joking. Buffy just glared.

"She's unstable." Buffy stated. "Besides, that's not even the point. I've given eight years of service or more and I think it's time I cashed in my pension. And I'm going to be the first Slayer ever to do so. I've earned it." Silence fell for a long minute until a thought hit Faith.

"How long have you been planning this? This life of simplicity?" Buffy chuckled suddenly, as though it bubbled up from her gut, out of her control and then they also suddenly stopped.

"My whole life? No, honestly. Since long before I was called. Every person thinks about what life is going to be like when they're finally out from under their parents thumbs; the independence and freedom that comes with being an adult and earning the life you want for yourself… I've fantasized about living in my own house and worrying about the neighbor's kids busting windows from paying baseball in the street since I was ten and I did the same thing myself." And as sad as it Made Faith to realize that this statement was true; she couldn't just give in an let Buffy leave to create this life for herself.

"And just when were you thinking of going off and finding this life for yourself?" Faith asked, chuckling, a part of her sure that Buffy couldn't possibly be serious; that there was still time to talk her out of it.

"Friday."

"_What_?" Faith shrieked, "**Friday**? _This_ Friday! That's three days from now! And you're only telling me **_now_**?" At the brunette's last words, Buffy looked shamefully down at the ground. And then Faith remembered… "You weren't going to tell me at all, were you." Buffy didn't look up.

"… Who else knows?" she asked, voice horse, wishing this numb feeling didn't just effect her skin, because it would have helped to dull the pain in her chest.

"Everyone."

"Everyone?" Faith asked, almost calmly, waiting for an explanation.

"Giles helped me collect the last of the insurance on the house and the pay-off the government offered all the Sunnydale Survivors, while Willow helped me find a job and a place to live. Xander knew someone in the area who could help me find a car and Wood's helping Dawn get transferred into a private school near-by… so yeah." Faith shook her head, trying to look at offended as possible and yet try and get rid of the tears starting to collect in the corner of her eyes.

"My students were told last Friday… and instructed not to tell you."

"Excuse me!" Faith exploded at this. It was one thing to be the last of the Scoobys to know, but the last in the entire Slaying Community? That was unacceptable! "So what? You figured you'd take off and I just wouldn't notice you were gone because Woody was here to play your little misdirection-monkey?" Buffy blushed, but didn't answer. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Everyone was ordered not to talk about it. Especially the students. They were warned that if they talked about it you might hear, and if you heard…" the blonde taped off, mumbling something about death-threats.

"That's not what I asked, Buffy." Faith's tone had become harder than stone. The older girl at least had the decency to look nervous.

"I knew your fear of responsibility would make you scared for me to leave. You don't see yourself as a good person, and so you don't think you're fit to be a leader - - especially after what happened in Sunnydale. Your lack of self-confidence not only effects your ability to lead, it effects the girls ability to follow you. But I've been trying to change that; get you to think like a leader – to teach, to guide, to realize how much you know by showing it to others. To help you see that you are a good person. As fit to lead as Any of the Scooby's, if not more. But I knew that until I could get you to believe it you would do anything in your power to try and stop me, talk me out of leaving."

"You're damn right I'd talk you out of it!" Faith yelled, upset that this was so obviously not going to go her way. "This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! You're **_super_human**, B! By your very definition you're above the frivolous and mundane! Bills? Taxes? Bull-_shit_!" Faith screamed, "You literally have a kick-ass job that you now know you can do better than anyone one else, and not just because you're the only one with the power to do so! You wanna talk about 'job security'? that's fucking it – right there!"

"But it's a job I didn't ask for, and one I don't want anymore!" Buffy yelled right back, now visibly angry. "And you know what? Yeah – if '_real life sucks_' and I hate it, I'll come back! But I at least want to try! To see if the fantasy is really just a lie." Faith crossed her arms with a hostel look on her face.

"What makes you think you'll be welcomed back?"

"I already spoke to Willow and Giles," Buffy started calmly, "They both think it's a good idea." She cleared her throat and continued somewhat stiffly. "They think the timing could be better; waited until the school was up and running, a bit for functional; classes running a bit longer before taking off but…"

"Will you be taking Dawn?" Faith asked suddenly, a thought striking her. If Dawn were to stay back at the school. Then there's be visits, for sure, and many of them. Buffy would never leave her sister for long, even if that was what the Lil'Brat wanted.

"Of Course." Buffy replied instantly. "I want to get her out of this life; now. If I even can… I think she's in to deep to leave and… I hate that feeling. I don't want that for her. I want her to see that there are options."

Faith's heart sank so deep into her chest she thought she could hear it echo, like a rock hitting the bottom of an empty well. She was stuck; things were happening that were out of her control and secrets – large ones – had been kept from her. She was scared and she felt fractured, and she hated feeling out of control. And Buffy knew that.

And though a Small part of Faith knew that Buffy wasn't doing this to upset her, and had that she'd gone to great length to try and make this as painless and possible for the brunette but it had backfired so badly that all Faith could hear was the blood thundering in her head from her anger. The momentary silence seemed between them seemed to fill the room with hesitation.

"Where are you going?" Faith asked, the resignation tearing apart her heart made her chest ache and her voice sore. In a strange way she could tell Buffy could almost feel it too. The look on the blonde face said she was fully aware of the pain she was inflicting, and though she was sorry, she was staying the course.

"I can't tell you."

"Can't tell me or won't?"

"Only the Corp Scoobys know." To which Faith scoffed, feeling slapped in inadequacy.

"You never were going to tell me, were you?" she could feel her stomach jumping, almost begging her to cry, but she refused. "Not anything; you were just going to go, weren't you?" Buffy just chuckled sadly, to where it sounded almost like sobs.

"Faith, you may not know this, but you're a little hard to approach." She started, "Especially with bad news. You may not know this, but I consider you a friend. My best friend, actually, and though this may be true you and I have a very rough history together, Faith. And I hate making you angry or disappointing you. So yeah, I wasn't going to tell you, but only because any time I got even close the idea of what you might say or what you might do had me thinking that maybe this was the best plan of action."

Faith nodded, sadly, as she looked down at the floor between them, realizing that though they had come a long way, some things were hard to unlearn. When she finally looked up after an agonizing minute of silence, she saw that Buffy was looking at her fixedly, her eyes seeking the brunette's and her expression sober and sad.

"Faith, I swear to you; it was always in my plans to tell you _where_ I was going. I wanted you to come and visit me, make fun of the geeky IKEA furniture and make the bathroom smell like beer for a few days." Faith allowed herself one laugh before remembering how angry she was at the blonde.

"Faith, with all we've been through and how close we've gotten I don't know how I could get by without a daily phone-call and frequent e-mails. I mean, what I'm about to attempt is something no Slayer has ever done in history! It's big! And it's scary! And I don't know how I'm going to get through it without you. I had hoped for it to be your voice on the other end of the line, trying to coax me back and my stubborn spirit getting riled up with yours - and sticking it out… because of you. Because it would have been you that got me through it, Faith."

"And you thought I'd just forgive you?" Faith asked icily, voice almost cruel, but Buffy appeared unaffected, "You thought that you're packing up and leaving over-night would just be forgiven and forgotten just like that?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied simply, voice hinted with a plea that it could still be done, "I knew you would because I know that you love me." Faith's eyes widened suddenly, "I knew you loved me like I loved you – " at this Faith's heart and breath died in her chest " – I just didn't realize how much you loved me, I guess." The older woman admitted, sheepishly. Faith's heart hammered and the air in her lungs boiled with embarrassment and anger.

"Yesterday, on the roof," Buffy started, tone almost insistent, "when we split up after our talk I had this fantasy; about you; about us!" Faith was intrigued, but cautiously, "I had this vision in my head of your first visit and you and me and Dawny all painting the guest-room the exact color you picked out when I e-mailed you paint samples the week before. And you got mad at me for suggesting that we pad the walls with mattress because we all knew you'd be staying there the most; that it would eventually become your room…"

By the end, when Buffy said 'your room', her voice cracked and tears spilled from the corners of her eyes. And Faith had never wanted to reach out and hold the blonde more. Maybe because she'd never wanted to comfort her like this before, not quite this way, when she herself was already feeling so heartbroken, but she didn't, and it hurt like hell not because she knew her touch would be in some way unwanted.

"And now?" Faith asked, voice even; an example of the self-discipline she'd started to learn. It was a question, but only to confirm what she already knew in her heart and in the way Buffy cried silently as she spoke. The blonde simply looked at the floor, her face hard and her posture shameful. It was all too obvious what her plan was and that she wasn't going to change it.

So the Slayers stood, unable to look at each other without having to turn away and every thought about the inevitable… both thinking their right and the other was a fool for disagreeing. The last movement in the room for a long while was Buffy looking at her watch, then silently leaving to pick up Wood from the airport.

. - . - . - .

Later that afternoon, with the sun setting in those familiar deep reds and sweet oranges, Faith found herself back up on the roof of The Academy. She sat on the edge of the roof, one of her rough boots on the ledge with her, and though her eyes remained fixed on the setting sun, she couldn't see the entire garden dying around her. Like a drought, Faith's loneliness, anger, bitterness and fear was drying out all the growth that her and Buffy's love for one another grew just the day before. It all turned brown and shriveled, pulling back into the ground.

Faith had been standing there, watching the sun slowly fall and then settle beyond the horizon for over two hours, hoping that the blonde would show. This was their place, after all. Their ritual; their place of solace and solitude. She knew this was where the blonde went to clear her head, and she knew the blonde must have had a lot on her mind, so where was she?

Faith wanted to cry, she was so fractured. She'd never felt as close to anyone as she had to Buffy the day before. She knew she'd finally gotten through to her when she'd admitted her secret to the younger girl. And yet she couldn't get rid of that nagging feeling that this was all her fault. That maybe she should have been happy just to have Buffy's friendship; all things considered. Her friend, her 'best friend', the person she told her secrets to, the woman she'd trusted with her worries – and to help scare them away.

Maybe wanting her heart, her love, was her greatest sin here. Her greed getting the better of her and ruining the whole thing. _Well_, Faith thought, _nothing new there_. Faith knew she's wanted the blonde's love, even the First knew it; how it had motivated her vengeful taunting of the Scoobys back in her 'dark days', telling her what the blonde would never see her as. That had felt like a shot of acid to her heart, because a part of her knew it would always be true.

So when the opportunity had presented itself, to maybe just pretend for a little while – just a few hours – she'd taken it. She'd been tempted for her greed, and she'd fallen; shed failed. And now she'd lost the thing most important to her. She hadn't stopped to think, to consider the repercussions and compare the margins of profit, she'd just been thankful to have the window at all! She'd not wanted to look a gift-horse in the mouth, though perhaps she should have.

When the sound of the door to the roof unlocking shook Faith out of her stupor, she felt her heart slam to a stop almost in mid beat. Suddenly thankful she'd not allowed herself to break down into fat tears, she readied herself to make an ass of herself in any attempt to get back at least some part of what she'd had.

But when she heard the heavy, excited footfalls she felt sick.

Wood charged up behind her and wraps his arms round her from behind, hugging her tightly to him hard into his chest, picking her up and swinging her around. Yammering in her ear about how much he missed her and how he'd been running around trying to find her and how happy he was to see her again it'd been too long …

Faith forced the tears in her eyes and the bile in her throat back and tried to gather herself back together for what felt like the thousandth time that day. "What are you doing here?" She asks, the forces enthusiasm surprisingly realistic even to Faith's ears. Thankfully, he bought it.

"I missed you." He said as though that explained everything. "I love LA, and I can do a lot of good work there, but… I can't be away from you anymore, Faith. I need to be with you. You're worth more to me than the lights of La La Land. I'd rather being in Cleveland with you, than in LA without you."

Faith heard a loud crunch rumble through her chest and knew that was her heart giving out. If only it had been Buffy saying these things to her, and not Wood! Why can't the blonde have these kinds of feelings and emotions about her? Is she still not good enough? Trying to cover her now obvious emotion she chuckled wetly and asks him how her _actually_ got _there_ – as in **on the roof**, telling him it's always locked except for those few who have the keys.

Wood held up a single key on a lanyard that Faith knew had never belonged to him. She knew it; recognized it. It was Buffy's, dawn had made it for her.

"Buffy told me I might find you here!" he said happily, "She told me how much she loved hanging out up here with you; your special area to be Slayers together and …" He trailed off, hearing Faith actually sob at this. Knowing that he knew she was crying just made the damn break a little and a few tears spilled out from her eyes.

He leans in to hold her, to comfort her, but the idea of his touching her just now makes her want to cry harder so she pushes back until the backs of her legs his the edge of the roof. She looks over it, into the street below and realizes just how high up they are. The fall didn't look this high before… almost the exact height of the building she'd jumped off of after Buffy had stabbed her… History repeats, she guessed.

As she's remembering the fight between her a Buffy; one of epic and mythical proportions, how their jealousy, rage, anger, and also fear the other; she cought the end of what Wood had been saying as she'd zoned out.

" – gave it to me… said she wouldn't be needing it anymore." Faith's head snapped back to him at hearing this.

"What?" Faith demanded. Wood looked like a deer in the headlights.

"She told me she told you?"

"Told me _what_?" half accusing, half hesitant.

"Uhh… that she was… you know… leaving?" Faith's crest starts to feel like it's being crushed like a can, all the things, once vital inside it, being smashed and destroyed. She turned away from Wood, finally broken, the tears flowing now, all down her face, voice scared silent in her throat still, but unwilling to allow Wood to witness her when she's so exposed. It wasn't fair to him, to allow him to comfort her when she'd lost her lover, no matter how briefly that was what they were to each other.

"She said that, what with her leaving and my staying, that there was no need for her to keep it. Well, as long as I'd give it back if she ever visited." The tone was one of passive doubt; as though even he knew this was a kind of forever goodbye, that the blonde would be going for good. That there was nothing in Cleveland good enough to miss, so why bother to return? Faith shouldered started to shake with her increasingly violent sobs as they lost with will to leave her, as she forced them in.

Wood reached forward, pulling her into his chest, comforting her shaking form… or trying to, at least. But everything about him reminds her of who he isn't and could never be or even come close to in her heart. His height, his hard, un-giving body, his heavy guy-smell, it all spelled not Buffy in every corner of her brain. She pushed him away, hard, until he almost stumbled, now no longer crying, but angry; disgusted.

"What's wrong?" he asked, confused. Faith just, completely detonated.

"I can't do it." She grinds out, somewhere between anger and heartbreak, "I can't be with you anymore; I don't love you, and I know I never will because I don't think I can… I could never let myself."

"I know the distance had made things difficult, Faith, I expected that, but that's why I'm here now. I'm not leaving again, I'll be here for you now. I know that, if we just try harder, we can make this work!"

"I don't want to 'try again' or 'try harder', Wood! I don't want to be with you! I could never be with you! I just – "

"Faith, calm down! We just need to – "

"I slept with someone." She blurted loudly. Trying to get through to him, get past the haze he'd embedded himself in. He slammed to a stop mid-sentence and looked at her, cold. "While you were in La… I slept with someone." She said, her tone vague, and silently prayed that he didn't ask details because she couldn't hurt the person who'd finally loved her that much.

At first he looks murderous, more angry than she'd ever seen him, but then it seems to melt and soften, and she knows it's even worse than she expected. He'd really fallen for her. As much as a person could fall, and she knew how much it was going to hurt him when this all came out, eventually; because she was there right now. He chuckled.

"I can't blame you." He said, tone all forgiveness. "With all the time I've been gone, and as distant as we've been these last two weeks… I can't blame you for seeking some kind of comfort." Faith was shocked. "I asked a lot of you, and… I know you really didn't." Faith looks at him, confused.

"What? No, I – "

"Faith, it's okay." He reasons. "Even if you had, I know it wouldn't really be cheating; you didn't care for them but… I know that's not it." This she had to hear, "I know what this is. This is Anger. Buffy's leaving and you're upset and scared. You're set on destroying everything good in your life so you can go back to you isolationist ways to get back at her and everyone else for not telling you; for leaving you out again." Faith had to admit that, maybe it could look like that to him, but that really wasn't it!

"Wood, just – "

"I'll give you some time." He assured her loudly, interrupting, obviously done listening to her if she was going to keep insisting what he didn't want to hear. Faith had no idea what to do now. "I'll give you some space and a few days to think about things; but take my advice. Get over being angry. Because you should be spending this time with Buffy. Because it could be a long time before you see her again." And just like that she felt her heart ache once more, "I'm not giving up on us that easily." And with that he walked right back out the door.

Faith sank down onto the ledge again and tried to steady her breath again. She'd always known that if this ever came out it would get ugly and complicated; but this was a situation and scenario she'd never anticipated. As she took in the roof garden in the dim light from the door back down into the school, she tried not to think about how cold she suddenly felt. The wind had picked up, reminding her that even summer doesn't last forever. As the chilly air begins to whip wildly around her, she decided to take Wood's good advice, s mislead as it was. She would go find Buffy.

Taking a last look over her shoulder she looks at the greenery, or what's left of it. She notices that on her side of the roof ever herb, shrub, tree and blade of grass has withered and died, where as in the shoot time that Wood had spent there had brought his half back fighting.

As she closes the door she realizes that she'd be lucky to have him, his love, but she isn't ready to give up on her own yet.

(_ To Be Continued… in chapter four!_)

-VixenRaign-

13


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